The words “eldest daughter” have a certain stigma around them.
It’s typically because we come off as “bossy.” The truth is, we’re just guarded. We haven’t really had a choice.
When I asked some teachers around the school, every single one of them said that as the eldest daughter, they felt different. Their rules were different, they were set apart from the rest of their peers, and the only people who understood them were the other eldest daughters.
People who aren’t eldest daughters may be wondering, “How is anything different?” However, even my little brother can see the difference in how things work, although he doesn’t care much because he has it so much easier.
A lot of it is simply not being able to do everything that a “normal” kid would be able to because your parents are so strict. One reason is that eldest daughters are often expected to help watch and take care of their younger siblings.
There are also higher expectations overall. You have to have the best grades, you have to do everything right and never get in trouble at school, or anywhere for that matter. Then if you do get in trouble, just wait until you get home.
Along with being “bossy” or “stubborn,” hearing your whole life that you should become a lawyer, there’s also a mental responsibility for being the person that everyone leans on. Naturally empathetic, and used to having to zip around wherever is needed, it just comes naturally to help everyone who needs it. Even when you feel like you’re drowning in your own problems, as everyone else’s help pulls you to the bottom, you just have to keep going and being there for everyone else.
What about the eldest son? It’s not talked about nearly as much, so it may be harder to believe, but it’s the same for them. The same higher expectations, and stricter parents, the same feeling of difference, and the same natural empathy. While oldest sons are more often pushed into sports over school, there’s still a strong mix of both. So why are they not talked about as much? I think it’s probably because they are not as “emotional,” so there’s less for outsiders to complain about. They weren’t necessarily allowed to be emotional, so they just aren’t as they get older, other than “dumb anger” according to some.
We sent out a survey to the teachers around the school, and out of the 52 that responded, 21 of them were the oldest. That’s almost half, and it was the highest number between oldest, middle, and youngest children.
So why did so many oldest children lean towards teaching? It could be because it came so naturally for them to have to help raise the kids, probably because it was easy for them to help people, and to keep their calm. Probably because if they weren’t told to be a lawyer, they were told by their teachers to be a teacher.
I think that the difference in how you’re raised as the eldest daughter, compared to if you were a younger sibling, definitely feels unfair while it’s happening, but after a while, it doesn’t matter as much. It’s more important to have a good relationship with your younger siblings. Most eldest daughters find their own version of “normal,” the same as everyone else in the world. I think it just makes us good people.