I feel like everyone talks about the death toll in the same way that they talk about the weather or the mosquitos. I feel like the fear doesn’t really come until you see it firsthand. The mix of authenticity that comes with seeing people at home and the benevolence that comes with the fear. It isn’t selfishness, however. 

Now is not the time to take your stresses out on others.

What is most fear-mongering to the privileged is that the virus does not discriminate.  Straight Americans, wondering how the government would ignore a pandemic, or god forbid make ignorant remarks. Americans, pre-lockdown, boasted about how it would never come to the states, that no one should be afraid.

Well then, what is it that we are allowed to be afraid of, if not this?

This is one of the very few times that everyone on Earth has one commonality, and it is an unfortunate one. 

It took almost 100,000 deaths for us to see that we need to start cleaning up after ourselves? Helping each other? Caring for the elderly and at-risk? 

I’ve known the words “at-risk” in a different sense from when I was thirteen. I almost lost a loved one due to a separate issue, and I worry that that loved one sitting at home alone may be considered “at-risk” once again, for the same reasons.

People don’t realize that there is a silent killer that fights alongside the virus. My loved one no longer gets the social interaction that keeps her afloat, bubbly; herself. This is one of the few times that I’ve actually needed my service dog, but I can’t bring her to the grocery or department store when I absolutely have to go because it is too crowded. I worry about the ones who are being held to the same standards in college as if we are still getting the same quality of education when we clearly aren’t. 

I just worry. I always have, but especially now. I’m someone who likes control, to be able to help the ones I love when they need it, but I’ve never seen so many people who need help at once. People forget that this isn’t a change of seasons. This is lives being ruined, experiences being lost. Your last prom over Facetime. Quinces spent alone, indoors. Funerals postponed. Time lost. Wishing you got the opportunity to say goodbye. 

I just hope the changes we make as people during this crisis lasts. Though, I worry that we will immediately go back to throwing trash in our rivers, taking time for granted, and continuing to be selfish.

The worst problems on Earth will always be your own.